He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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