I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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