the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize