Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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