let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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