Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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