Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize