Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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