Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize