Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
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whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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