I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A+ Viking dick
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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