the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
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The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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