Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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