I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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