I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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