Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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