I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize