I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize