how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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