i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Fuck appropriateness.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize