Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
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hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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