how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
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You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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