Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize