Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize