I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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