So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize