she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
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Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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