Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
kristin has been a bad kristin
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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