i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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