I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize