I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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