Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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