Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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