I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize