He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize