i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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