just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize