My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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