i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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