he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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