I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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