I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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