he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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