i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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