I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize