Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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