tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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