Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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