your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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