i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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